In the afternoon he called me while she worked and said I should talk to me. I accepted the invitation, he always had something wise to say. I left my office as usual and went to meet him.
I waited in his car, I went. I hit the passenger window, as he liked to lead when went out-and took off. I looked and wondering where we go, he understood and told me go to the riverbank. It was decided I headed there.
The sun shone, the kids out of school, others played soccer and squares were full of children with their parents, who knows that playing games. I must admit that the post was worthy of note. I always had a soft spot for family matters. And especially, by the smiles of children. Since they are rarely invent them, but express them when you really feel. This puts them at the side of the street with adults, though, and to deny it some when they grow up, perhaps they are the same. Who knows. For now and true to my style, could not help but enjoy it.
While this was happening, I thought, without noticing it, which would be important to talk. Not assumed anything, but I sensed that something interesting was about to hear. No pompous as the subject, but because he had discovered that in these talks, something new came up and then take into account was deserved.
afternoon's work had been more of the same, I was walking around thinking I needed something more interesting to do, since the last time I was boring and the hours were made months. He had told my boss and had not yet made a response. Unknown whether this decision was delayed because of the complexity that it would be to get a job according to my ability to adapt or not, however, found no hole where I landfall. I should not worry much since it was intended to keep waiting.
Before this, nothing that would grant the appointment frightened me, nor would it be as worse as the work week just ended. And believe, and this comforted me.
We approached the parking lot and find a place chosen riverfront. I found it and headed toward me. I turned off the car engine and opened the window and hastily lit a cigarette. He had avoided doing so while driving, because she did not smoke but did not bother me to do, just preferred to do quiet, letting the smoke is everywhere.
seat back, looked at her and said, "Here I am, tell me that I have brought" The response was immediate. "A couple of days asking me to help you with a task," he said. Yes, I nodded. Well ... He took a breath and needs double. "Something has come up and possibly do not like. But I can not keep it to myself. A long time ago that we know and have always said what I felt, even though he might fall ill and yet we did. "Nothing to argue or object, to here.
" Well, I thought for a long time "he went on were a person who was always attentive to all that happen around you or not so much to see how it could intervene and make a contribution, if not an answer. This attitude, in fact well appreciated, sounded a speculative, was to give to receive. Almost mafioso, I give you then take off. He also understood or believed understand that making demands to appear overacted what were not. You were a contradictory being and had an enormous capacity to seduce from your stories and if they were not true, you were a genius inventártelas. It struck a perfect marketing know sell, which proceeds from a store. "
Go-thought-thought that the worst of the afternoon was over after work. And last but not least, I took hand and looking me straight in the eye and said: "None of this is how I've thought over and over again, but time taught me to have less prejudice, understand that the stories (we" do ") and my correspond limitation prevented me as I deserved. My ossified structures my hidden fears, comfort and dare not, would not let me watch what I always saw almost without noticing. Much has cost me stop and think of me only feel a Manichean selfishness that away from me as transparent and simple he had known. Simple and beautiful, not boring, as I thought. For the subestimarte, I underestimated. Al desecharte discarded me. I forgot to think that there are other major decisions as well. "
I noticed that his hands to take me, they were sweating and pressed me so strongly. I did nothing to cease, let it flow in his need to express themselves. Was silence, his tears fell on her beautiful cheeks. I felt that putting all this in words would be good, since the silence of the last times they were forced, she was not over. And it was not me, who should keep doing, all he had. With what I had, which could, but with the assurance that nothing said, was tinged with darkness of lies.
let go my hands, dried her tears and said: "Let's go back." I turned on the car, the shadow had become night. In the park, there were some children with their parents and some teenagers were playing love ...
Silence owned the space. The eyes riveted to the front and one evening he had improved ...
L a situation warranted a different approach. Had been a number of facts that are entangled over time. And the confusion is ownership of what should not. As always, or almost always. That is, I can not understand or what I dare not, dismiss it, I leave it there for later, or never.
And the proposal appeared. Do not talk to us, talk about "lost oxen." Accepted. But the interior noise was felt. And he began to find out. Knew I had but could not decipher, something had to dig. And it happened!
fears were not strong, I knew of them because he had lived "almost always" and had heard of daily in the morning, noon, afternoon and evening. Were from the earliest childhood a constant. Had trembled before them too much and they had grown up. But it did not happen in vain, but rather strengthened, improved it, made him different ...
their first child was in these unwanted guests appeared in the form of abuse. Rape. Nothing more frightening for a boy of five years in the middle of nowhere, at the hands of an unknown face adult, to suffer the most severe insult to the human condition, the most outrageous, where life is split in a thousand pieces because it "plays" the most sacred and sublime that can hold, innocence.
And that way you can be, to grow, with this heavy burden, feeling so strange and dissimilar. Unable to speak with anyone, he knew not that this had to do, feeling guilty and ashamed, for an unprecedented event in its short existence, had never imagined. Not for lack of imagination but by its nature is inconceivable. And unthinkable.
Thus grew. Every night, every game, loneliness and the "moment" with him. He carried with him, like a treasure, a foul and strange treasure. I was there, kept, so nobody could access it. And I felt like a heavy load, which is mirrored in horrible nightmares, wetting their pants for years in short-and long-and be considered rare because only he knew was happening and that was as it was. He knew and they knew different.
was a time to look inward, as if searching for something, always looking. It absorbed more and up and walked away from everything else, what was next, games, petting, hugs, fantasy, groups, was "like that" although this was not enough and I noticed. What is not spoken, he showed himself. Behaviors, the discomfort should be, the self-marginalization, the terrible burden left him at a disadvantage compared to their peers. They played and thought, nothing special, just thinking. Thus he lived and grew. Paid a steep price for being. As he could, with what I had, raised and what they never had a choice, he tried but no ... Came and went, not knowing much to where.
And learned fear. Hint of fear, tried to think of everything, settled their charges, were given a natural balance. He walked all the way, went from here to there, alone, in company, which invented and joy against sadness that haunted him. Appropriated the disadvantages, matched and exceeded. One and another door opened by crushing and understated attitude, no fear paralyzed him, made him noble and persistent. Achievements had improved with the aid-to-find and sought, but other times have to perform other activities that have always had as normal.
Even today, despite the decades that have been happening can not, but what you want, enjoy these times, to talk about cattle lost, you still need-much less than yesterday, since if you talk without fear of others, with others and not his ...
