"We have been led to believe that children are necessarily of a higher being, more than the wonderful contribution of genetics from our parents. And so we believed. Thus, to take a step without looking up, was a mortal sin. It was the we were taught. And I still continue to suffer ... "Thus began the letter as wide as deep. I could not stop and carefully kept reading: "The first book that I got from a very young, only about 9 years, had a very special drawings.
After several decades, I have so clear in my memory as if I had seen yesterday. They were drawings of a superior being "God-giant, with very long hair, robes and face good lord. With his huge hands hugging the other, in this case, small anta mere mortals his great presence. As was so remember to look everywhere, because it appeared that he knew everything what we were doing and to know it, it was clear who was always spying on us. This terrified me. Looked everywhere, but could never see it. This more gigantic its ubiquity.
At that age it was common for children to experience new things at every moment, but of course, to believe that I stood looking at first avoided doing something "improper." Because besides us believe that we still at all times, we promised severe punishment if we dared to do other than what we were taught. Why should discuss with my inner self, to carry out something that was out of the provisions to "respect" and this generated my sins sublime complications and indistinct. All was compounded when kids my age, committed mischief and nothing terrible happened to them, they were still children forever.
also caught my attention when my father punished me so that went to "great lord" to protect me, but ... nothing happened. Like when he said very ugly things from other people and puteaba a bye because he had beaten his finger performing a task. I was all involved as much as life itself and nine years, homelessness was higher. However
these images-of the higher all-seeing-it was the place where I approached for help. The level of guilt was so strong that Burguete deeper into my thoughts to see what they had done so badly that not getting what he wanted. And here to ask and ask, without receiving, I grew up.
The limitations were so reluctant, that hurt, however this duality persisted. It was a double burden which should lead. Occasionally wanted to give up such a circumstance, but how to do it, deny it I would make a perfect blasphemous term insistently repeated it and could not elucidate. Divine punishment was always present, the fear of panic I was whiz by merely thinking about it. Also how to defeat this giant, if all we could, controlled everything, and everything looked.
was unexpected, go against him. Therefore, I gave up and walked down the path that would lead me to eternal life. I did a few more years, while I could hold. Older, new issues had high points, low resolutions and less guilt. Only persisted that duality that never ended to be one thing for another. Although intimately felt that something must be different, but did not know what would.
was that time, entered adolescence, when the disease is appropriated what he loved most. We seek the aid of doctors, healers, prayer and nothing ... Everything went well and love was bleeding. Nothing more could be done, that damn triumphant entry and macabre, did his stuff. With one tug, he pulled his life when very little remained of it. And suddenly I was overcome by loneliness, boredom, fear, all around had the slightest sense, values \u200b\u200bare disrupted in unison and the abandonment was absolute.
I looked everywhere, like as a kid and tried to see him because he would be there, knowing everything you make. And yes, I did not find, as usual. It was not, never had been, I had invented to limit my feelings, my desires, the best fantasies, the best smells, I had severed from the time it began to be a person who feels that love, who enjoy, cry, laugh, experience. It was hard to leave this miserable place, time has passed, I learned to live with these ghosts, I rediscovered the wonderful life and what is in it. I left just in time and very cost of my desire, dreams and desires unfinished, never regain consciousness ... "
Before concluding, missing a few lines, I stopped, I removed my glasses that at this point weighed more than usual, drank a sip of cold water and perplexity I felt I had invaded. And with the last clean and jerk, I resumed reading: "Thus," continued the letter, which I will explore the life that I have in a not previously contemplated, I aspire to live with the same intensity you feel things, not limit my expressions, I will tell everyone I feel a thousand times, do not judge anything, just accept them as they are, I will tell you love is proportional to the fullest. Learn to ask for what pleases me, steal no illusions and will not be one to look at all, only go with you. I will make the best fantasy, best story, and the biggest lie the best truth. I'll give you everything that you gave me, only because as soon as you need. Do not wait until eternity, to live the present. Do not change anything for nothing, I want it all, without selfishness or fear to paralyze us. Let's play to be what we want, we feel that indomitable spirit to every moment and live in abject surrender to the moment requires, that death will take care of all different ... "
I never finished, but at last the last paragraph did not expect ...
At that age it was common for children to experience new things at every moment, but of course, to believe that I stood looking at first avoided doing something "improper." Because besides us believe that we still at all times, we promised severe punishment if we dared to do other than what we were taught. Why should discuss with my inner self, to carry out something that was out of the provisions to "respect" and this generated my sins sublime complications and indistinct. All was compounded when kids my age, committed mischief and nothing terrible happened to them, they were still children forever.
also caught my attention when my father punished me so that went to "great lord" to protect me, but ... nothing happened. Like when he said very ugly things from other people and puteaba a bye because he had beaten his finger performing a task. I was all involved as much as life itself and nine years, homelessness was higher. However
these images-of the higher all-seeing-it was the place where I approached for help. The level of guilt was so strong that Burguete deeper into my thoughts to see what they had done so badly that not getting what he wanted. And here to ask and ask, without receiving, I grew up.
The limitations were so reluctant, that hurt, however this duality persisted. It was a double burden which should lead. Occasionally wanted to give up such a circumstance, but how to do it, deny it I would make a perfect blasphemous term insistently repeated it and could not elucidate. Divine punishment was always present, the fear of panic I was whiz by merely thinking about it. Also how to defeat this giant, if all we could, controlled everything, and everything looked.
was unexpected, go against him. Therefore, I gave up and walked down the path that would lead me to eternal life. I did a few more years, while I could hold. Older, new issues had high points, low resolutions and less guilt. Only persisted that duality that never ended to be one thing for another. Although intimately felt that something must be different, but did not know what would.
was that time, entered adolescence, when the disease is appropriated what he loved most. We seek the aid of doctors, healers, prayer and nothing ... Everything went well and love was bleeding. Nothing more could be done, that damn triumphant entry and macabre, did his stuff. With one tug, he pulled his life when very little remained of it. And suddenly I was overcome by loneliness, boredom, fear, all around had the slightest sense, values \u200b\u200bare disrupted in unison and the abandonment was absolute.
I looked everywhere, like as a kid and tried to see him because he would be there, knowing everything you make. And yes, I did not find, as usual. It was not, never had been, I had invented to limit my feelings, my desires, the best fantasies, the best smells, I had severed from the time it began to be a person who feels that love, who enjoy, cry, laugh, experience. It was hard to leave this miserable place, time has passed, I learned to live with these ghosts, I rediscovered the wonderful life and what is in it. I left just in time and very cost of my desire, dreams and desires unfinished, never regain consciousness ... "
Before concluding, missing a few lines, I stopped, I removed my glasses that at this point weighed more than usual, drank a sip of cold water and perplexity I felt I had invaded. And with the last clean and jerk, I resumed reading: "Thus," continued the letter, which I will explore the life that I have in a not previously contemplated, I aspire to live with the same intensity you feel things, not limit my expressions, I will tell everyone I feel a thousand times, do not judge anything, just accept them as they are, I will tell you love is proportional to the fullest. Learn to ask for what pleases me, steal no illusions and will not be one to look at all, only go with you. I will make the best fantasy, best story, and the biggest lie the best truth. I'll give you everything that you gave me, only because as soon as you need. Do not wait until eternity, to live the present. Do not change anything for nothing, I want it all, without selfishness or fear to paralyze us. Let's play to be what we want, we feel that indomitable spirit to every moment and live in abject surrender to the moment requires, that death will take care of all different ... "
I never finished, but at last the last paragraph did not expect ...